I'm in a difficult place right now.
After living in Australia for so long...creating a life for myself, being comfortable, being HOME. Having friends...friends who became my family. People I love with every inch of me. People I miss dearly. After all of that, being back to a life I was never ready to come back to, it's extremely difficult.
I have no job. Barely any friends here. I'm alone. I'm depressed. I'm losing strength. I'm losing confidence.
Can I become an actress? Do I have what it takes? How on earth do other people do this?
It's terrifying.
I'm absolutely frightened.
I'm trying to get a job now...but I have no drive. I'm just lethargic and full of hate and despair. I'm so disappointed in myself. I can't believe I have let myself down like this. Acting is the only thing in the world I would ever do with my life. It's the only thing I have the passion for, the ambition for, the absolute love for. But if that's true then fuck man, what's going on with me now?
I just feel lost. I don't know where to go now, I'm in limbo.
The plan was to get a job here, get into an agency, save up some money and get experience then move to California by the end of the year. Get into a decent agency, get a good job and good place to live, then work my fucking ass off to get to where I need to be. To act.
But everything's taking so slow. Feels so far away. Feels like it's impossible.
But it's NOT impossible. It's fucking not impossible. There are millions of people who do this, who succeed. Millions of people like me.
The way I look at it is Jessica Alba is somehow famous for "acting" (not just her hot body), so if she can get into movies, well fuck. So can I.
No offense to Jessica but damn, she has no acting talent. I don't think anyone would argue with me there.
Just need someone to push me. Need a pep talk. Need help. Need encouragement. Need support. I'm just...so down. What's new??
-W.C. Fields
Rawley dearest :)
ReplyDelete1. People might say that you can be whatever you want to be... that's partly true. You can be whatever you're meant to be and if you work hard enough. If you lose confidence or give up without trying hard enough, especially given the desire you have to be an actress, it will take you a while to recover.
2. You're 20. It's the only thing you have the passion, love, etc. for because you haven't been exposed to enough in this world yet. Maybe it's what you really want to do and the one thing you'll kick the most arse at... which is why you need to give it everything... so that you can one day either say... "FUCK YEAH! I MADE IT! "
or... "fuck it. I gave it everything I could. hey, wait a minute, maybe that's what I should be doing."
3. I don't know if you want me to reply or not, but if you have a problem with it, that's your problem. You're getting my opinion and that's that :P