Computers are useless

I am so sorry for the hiatus. My computer crashed and it was difficult to get the internet working properly.

Things seem to be in order now.

I will update tomorrow when it's not 2 in the morning. I've had some ideas for new blogs but, lo and behold I seem to have forgotten them. That's how these things work!

- Pablo Picasso

If my intentions are true then I will succeed

I'm gonna have plenty of weak moments. I'm going to write them down here. This is my outlet. I'm human. I'm extremely vulnerable, but I know what I want and I'm going to get it someday. Somehow.

Acting to me is a constant burning fire. In my soul. In my gut. In my heart. In my mind. It was ignited when I was 5 doing ballet in the Nutcracker and I have never wanted to be off the stage since. It gives me strength. Acting is me. That's it.

This fire will never go out, and even a simple audition that leads to rejection adds fuel to the fire. Makes it burn brighter and stronger. It's empowering. It's a constant adrenaline rush. I need acting.

I don't care if I ever get a "breakthrough role." Just to be out there...doing what I love. Hell, I'll pay someone to be in a movie! It's not about money, it's about the feeling I get. The feeling that finally makes me feel that I am not alone. That I am beautiful. That I am strong. Confident. Powerful. Brilliant. I want to feel that every day of my life and that is why acting is the one and only thing for me. I will never stop.

- An incredible person who has all of my heart, soul, body, and mind

If at first you don't succeed, try try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

I'm in a difficult place right now.

After living in Australia for so long...creating a life for myself, being comfortable, being HOME. Having friends...friends who became my family. People I love with every inch of me. People I miss dearly. After all of that, being back to a life I was never ready to come back to, it's extremely difficult.

I have no job. Barely any friends here. I'm alone. I'm depressed. I'm losing strength. I'm losing confidence.

Can I become an actress? Do I have what it takes? How on earth do other people do this?

It's terrifying.

I'm absolutely frightened.

I'm trying to get a job now...but I have no drive. I'm just lethargic and full of hate and despair. I'm so disappointed in myself. I can't believe I have let myself down like this. Acting is the only thing in the world I would ever do with my life. It's the only thing I have the passion for, the ambition for, the absolute love for. But if that's true then fuck man, what's going on with me now?

I just feel lost. I don't know where to go now, I'm in limbo.

The plan was to get a job here, get into an agency, save up some money and get experience then move to California by the end of the year. Get into a decent agency, get a good job and good place to live, then work my fucking ass off to get to where I need to be. To act.

But everything's taking so slow. Feels so far away. Feels like it's impossible.

But it's NOT impossible. It's fucking not impossible. There are millions of people who do this, who succeed. Millions of people like me.

The way I look at it is Jessica Alba is somehow famous for "acting" (not just her hot body), so if she can get into movies, well fuck. So can I.

No offense to Jessica but damn, she has no acting talent. I don't think anyone would argue with me there.

Just need someone to push me. Need a pep talk. Need help. Need encouragement. Need support. I'm just...so down. What's new??

-W.C. Fields

A little help from my friends

Since I'm just starting this blog off and have absolutely no one who knows or even cares about this blog - besides me - I've registered my blog on a number of sites that promise traffic. I'm thankful to the people who run these sites and who are willing to help me out, so I'd like to give them credit!

LS Blogs

Blog Explosion

Start Exchange

If you're reading this right now, then these sites have done their job!

-John Lennon

You know you love me...

It's no secret (at least to me) that one of my favourite shows is the very addictive and entertaining Gossip Girl.

Despite unrealistic storylines and - occasionally - bad writing and acting, the show is incredible. If you haven't watched it, I would suggest it. That is, if you like watching young and spoiled beautiful people and their petty dramas.

I would say the main reason I love Gossip Girl is the clothing. Not many people would argue with me there. The clothes are spectacular. Chic, stylish, unique, fresh, fun...and the best-dressed character is definitely Blair. She's fucking beautiful and wears the clothes so well. I especially love her signature headbands.

So, wanted to post my favourite photos from the latest Gossip Girl Rolling Stones photoshoot (that you can find everywhere, so I'm not sure why I'm posting it here...) that show just how beautiful these people really are. And sexy. And hot. Namely Penn Badgley and Ed Westwick.

Hot damn!

Anyway, here's the beautiful cast of Gossip Girl photographed for Rolling Stone by Terry Richardson.

To view all of the photos in their natural glory, go to the Rolling Stone website and take a look.

XOXO Gossip Girl

Is it just me, or is the world full of beautiful women?

This strikingly adorable woman is Norwegian supermodel, Siri Tollerød.

Look at her! She's completely quirky and oh so gorgeous.

She's a doll! A sexy, beautiful porcelain doll.

I'm in love.

-Robbie Coltrane

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity...and I'm not sure about the universe

This is fucking hilarious.

Yes, this is actually real. That is actually Lindsay Lohan. That is an actual commercial. That is an actual clothing line.

Colour me confused, because why on EARTH would you call a clothing brand Fornarina? It brings to mind such delightful words like diarrhea and gonorrhea. Maybe it's just me.

Michael K from Dlisted likens this to a failed avant-garde video homage to Jem. He speaks the truth.

-Albert Einstein

So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?

You know what site I can't stand, but love to hate?

Roflrazzi

I hate this site because the majority of the pictures are making fun of people no one cares about anymore, such as Amy Winehouse, Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie and Paris Hilton. Yes, they're gross and druggy and stupid and slutty. We get it. Stop beating the dead horse. Let's move on.

Also, the site likes to take pop culture icons and talk about how they're so much better than the celebrities we have today. I don't think anyone's going to argue the Jonas Brothers are better than The Beatles - and yet you can find countless pictures trying to convince people The Beatles are better. Please. Get off your high horse and stop focusing so much on the negatives of pop culture today. Yes, a lot of things suck about Hollywood nowadays, but there are a lot of incredibly talented artists working today that could be considered the best. Can we focus on those for once?

Lastly, some of the people posting the shit pictures seem to be prudish old people who can't stand to see a woman wearing a short skirt or makeup. Talking about how in "the olden days" women were au naturale. Now, I rarely wear makeup and don't really consider my clothing to be too revealing or overtly sexy but fuck man! Give everyone a break. These are different times. Style is always evolving. Let it.

In short, I hate that site. Yet I visit it constantly. Damn.

-Christina Aguilera

Humour is just another defense against the universe

Since I'm feeling all kinds of down and depressed, I thought I'd post some sites that always make me happy. Maybe it'll help other people who are down and depressed to feel happy too.

Dlisted is a Hollywood gossip site, but the main reason I read it is because the blogger, Michael K, is absolutely hilarious. He's crude and brutally honest and never fails to make me laugh. Bonus points for the fact that it keeps me on top of celebrity news, cause it's so important to keep track of, ya know?

Cracked is my number one site for dick jokes, random and pointless

lists, and sexy funny men who write genius articles and star in
amazing videos.

Cute Overload brings us countless pictures of adorable animals. If

those pictures can't make you smile, you have a black pit of despair

and emptiness where your heart should be.

Perry Bible Fellowship is a site filled with Nicholas Gurewitch's

amazing comics. They're shocking and distasteful, with a complete

lack of tact. How could you not love them?

Candy Addict gives us reviews of candy.

Candy's fucking awesome.

The Sneeze is a blog written by a man who's a father

and husband. He also happens to be fucking hilarious.

Stuff White People Like shows us, well

what white people like. And hot damn, it's all fucking true. 90% of the

people where I live fit in with every single stereotype on this site.

Found Shit was brought to my attention by

Katy Perry, oddly enough. It's pretty fucking cool though. Shows

weird, random, interesting, and oftentimes humourous pictures.

- Mel Brooks

Life is never easy for those who dream

I just moved back home from Australia.

Lemme explain a little...

Or a lot...

My whole life I've only wanted one thing for my future and that was to be an actress. I was actually part of an agency when I was 13 and quit when I was 17. I quit for two main reason...the first being the fact that the agency wasn't going to get me anywhere (they prided themselves on the fact that their biggest stars went on to do national commercials) and the second being the fact that most people in my life had zero support for me.

My parents are a different story. They're amazing in a lot of ways, and they have always supported all of my stupid decisions. I like that. I have learned a lot of important lessons and matured greatly throughout the years because of this.

Annnyywayyyy...so when I was about to graduate high school I always had it in my mind to skip university and work on acting. Sadly, I let the discouragement get to me and decided to leave acting behind and go to a boring university and study a boring degree and lead a boring life. To make the boring slightly more exciting I came up with the idea of studying my degree in Australia - my favourite country. I visited in 2004 for an educational People to People trip, and fell in love with the country, culture, and people.

Moved to Australia January 2008 and attended Macquarie university. Lived at a terrible Christian student housing college. It was extremely strict. No alcohol (though the drinking age is 18), no same sex members in the same room after 12, we had tiny shitty ass rooms with no air conditioning and a small ass heater, and it was basically like high school all over again -- only I was living there 24/7. So it was much fucking worse.

There were cliques, weekly newspapers and fucking gossip galore. I guess it's safe to say I despised this place. But I did fall in love with a Malaysian man. 24. Half Sri Lankan half Chinese. Gorgeous. Funny. Charismatic. Kind. Or so I thought...

We moved in with each other and let's just say we had a disasterous breakup this January that included cops and rental disputes.

However, I'm grateful for the breakup for this one main reason: I was fucking miserable in Australia, and I didn't realise it simply because I was in such a serious relationship. Other than that, I had no friends and I loathed school. I was lonely and depressed constantly. I now know that I am definitely not cut out for school, and my only course of action can and will always be acting. End of story. No matter what people say. So thank you bad, horrible, toxic, unhealthy relationship. You made that obvious.

I tried out for the National Institute of Dramatic Arts (where Cate Blanchett, Hugo Weaving, Judy Davis, and Mel Gibson went to school) back in November and, of course, didn't make it. They accept something like 20 people a year in all of Australia. I didn't really think I would get in but what the hell, gave it a try.

So now I am back home. My horribly failed attempt at independence looming over my head everyday, making me feel like a pathetic worthless loser. Living with my parents again. Seriously didn't think that would happen.

How do I get out of this funk? This hating myself, thinking I can't achieve anything, wondering how I'm going to get my life back on track? It's horrible. I don't know what to do. I don't have a job here (just got back a couple weeks ago), don't have any money saved up, don't have many friends...so I'm all alone.

- Robert James Waller

I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough

I'm starting this blog for a number of reasons. Don't really know what they all are, but I assume they're good.

A wise man once said that blogs are only for people who think they have something important to say, but really don't. Well, it was something along those lines. I think this wise man also mentioned that most bloggers have the exact same things to say. I'm here to prove him wrong. Maybe.

So, here I am. I'm Rawley. I'm 20 years old and have accomplished absolutely nothing with my life. I suppose 20 sounds kinda young, but trust me, it's not. In 10 measly years I'll be 30. 30 for godsakes!! 30 means many things: kids, career, marriage, etc. Not that everyone has to adhere to these standards, but to me these are the things I hope to have at 30.

That means I have only 10 years to establish myself as a successful, famous actress, meet the perfect man, marry him during a perfect ceremony, and pop out a couple of perfect babies.

Now, don't let that short and seemingly kinda simple list throw you off. There are many sub-obstacles to go through to even get to the halfway point of every goal.

There's the fact that becoming a famous actress is as close to impossible as you can get. There's the fact that to even have a healthy relationship with a man I have to stop being a psycho bitch. There's the fact that to have kids I have to, well, stop being a psycho bitch.

Anyyywho. I guess the main reason I wanted this blog is to write down my struggles and triumphs on my way to becoming an actress. I'm working on getting into an agency soon, and that will officially start this off. But sometimes (meaning all of the time) I will talk a lot about my personal shit, day to day activities (don't get too excited...they will 9 times out of 10 include Top Model and Aqua Teen Hungerforce marathons and doritos), and whatever else there is. Recipes? Recommendations? Movie Reviews? We shall see.

I hope to gain a lot of followers for one reason and one reason only: I will achieve my goal someday, and I want other people just like me to know you can follow your dream and succeed, with hard work, ambition, and a little bit of luck. Maybe bribery and whoring yourself out will be included. I'm keeping my options open.

I have no life, so this will get updated constantly. I'm telling you. Keep your cursor on the refresh button.

So, read on, enjoy, have fun getting to know me and following your own dreams.

-M.C. Escher